Squirrel Wars

Greg: (sounding like Darth Vader) Rooooooooccccckkkk! I am your father Rock!

Rocket: Get that stupid mask off! You are scaring the neighbors.

Greg: Come over to the dark side Rock!

Rocket: Halloween aint for another month so lose the disuise.

Rodents best friend

Rocket: Hey Fido! Tell them the bird feeders are empty!

Gone Squirelly

Lina: I think you are spending too much time with those squirrels!

Greg: What makes you say that?

Lina: You spend every waking hour with them! I swear you are even starting to look like them!

Greg:Ridiculous! I have never heard such nonsense!

 

Greg: Now let me finish my paper!

Air Farce

Maddie the Magpie: On approach to the deck, hey when did they put in landing lights?

Rocket: Shoo! Damn bird!

Greg: Take it easy Rock! It's a big deck. There's room for everyone.

Rocket: Bird lover!

Greg: You are being too possessive!

Rocket: I know what I want for Christmas!

Greg: And what would that be?

Rocket: A shoulder launch anti-aircraft rocket.

Greg: Isn't that a bit extreme?

Rocket: Bird lover!

Food for thought

Rocket: So how many squirrels did you meet when you were in Russia?

Greg: Well, actually Rock; we were in plenty of parks and I never saw a single squirrel.

Rocket: Are Russian Squirrels shy?

Greg: Well I don't think so Rock, You have to remember that Leningrad as it was then called was surrounded by the German army for nearly three years in World War 2. There was nothing to eat...

Rocket: You mean... (he passes out)

Greg: Rocky are you O.K.?

Rocket: (still groggy) You mean that Humans ate Squirrels?

Greg: No you bone head! I mean the humans ate all the peanuts so the squirrels moved south!

Rocket: Oh thank god; I thought for a moment there you were eyeing me like a pork chop!

Greg: Don't flatter yourself you would be old and tough!

"The Awakened One" hits the snooze button...

Rocket: Greg; you studied Philosophy right?

Greg: Yes Rock; it was my minor in University. I majored in History.

Rocket: Then you know who "The Enlightened One" is then...

Greg: Of course Rock; Buddha is known as "The Enlightened One".

Rocket:(sounding  philosophical)  I met him you know...

Greg: (sounding  sceptical) You met Buddha?

Rocket :(sounding very philosophical) Yes...

Greg: (sounding very sceptical) Siddhārtha Gautama Buddha ?

Rocket: (sounding very angry) BUDDHA! BUDDHA BUDDHA! WHAT PART OF BUDDHA DON"T YOU UNDERSTAND!

Greg: (softly as when speaking to the criminally insane) And what did he teach you?...

Rocket: (sounding placated and apologetic) Peace and tranquillity.

Greg: (sounding like he is suppressing a laugh) Obviously.

Rocket: It was a defining moment in my life!

Greg: Well define this: he lived about 400 years ago!

Rocket: You are always so technical! I am talking about an epiphany; I actually met "The Awakened One"!

Greg: I think you are still dreaming. What did you take away from that meeting?

Rocket: I Took his peace and his awareness of all things. AND HIS REALLY COOL ACORN HAT! HaHaHa!

Wired!

Greg: Rocky what are you doing up there?

Rocket: I am practising to be a world famous high wire Daredevil!

Greg: Like the guy who just walked across Niagara?

Rocket: Yeah! Except I thought I would start smaller.

Greg: Smaller? Like what?

Rocket: Like a glass of water!

Greg: You are a nut! A regular Evel Kweasel!

Rocket: Don't mock me you'll kneecap my confidence.

Greg: Sure thing, you gonna jump the Grand Canyon?

Rocket: I was thinking about the ditch in front of your house!

Greg: Ahhhh! Baby steps.

Rocket: Yeah Baby steps!