Air Farce

Maddie the Magpie: On approach to the deck, hey when did they put in landing lights?

Rocket: Shoo! Damn bird!

Greg: Take it easy Rock! It's a big deck. There's room for everyone.

Rocket: Bird lover!

Greg: You are being too possessive!

Rocket: I know what I want for Christmas!

Greg: And what would that be?

Rocket: A shoulder launch anti-aircraft rocket.

Greg: Isn't that a bit extreme?

Rocket: Bird lover!

Food for thought

Rocket: So how many squirrels did you meet when you were in Russia?

Greg: Well, actually Rock; we were in plenty of parks and I never saw a single squirrel.

Rocket: Are Russian Squirrels shy?

Greg: Well I don't think so Rock, You have to remember that Leningrad as it was then called was surrounded by the German army for nearly three years in World War 2. There was nothing to eat...

Rocket: You mean... (he passes out)

Greg: Rocky are you O.K.?

Rocket: (still groggy) You mean that Humans ate Squirrels?

Greg: No you bone head! I mean the humans ate all the peanuts so the squirrels moved south!

Rocket: Oh thank god; I thought for a moment there you were eyeing me like a pork chop!

Greg: Don't flatter yourself you would be old and tough!

"The Awakened One" hits the snooze button...

Rocket: Greg; you studied Philosophy right?

Greg: Yes Rock; it was my minor in University. I majored in History.

Rocket: Then you know who "The Enlightened One" is then...

Greg: Of course Rock; Buddha is known as "The Enlightened One".

Rocket:(sounding  philosophical)  I met him you know...

Greg: (sounding  sceptical) You met Buddha?

Rocket :(sounding very philosophical) Yes...

Greg: (sounding very sceptical) Siddhārtha Gautama Buddha ?

Rocket: (sounding very angry) BUDDHA! BUDDHA BUDDHA! WHAT PART OF BUDDHA DON"T YOU UNDERSTAND!

Greg: (softly as when speaking to the criminally insane) And what did he teach you?...

Rocket: (sounding placated and apologetic) Peace and tranquillity.

Greg: (sounding like he is suppressing a laugh) Obviously.

Rocket: It was a defining moment in my life!

Greg: Well define this: he lived about 400 years ago!

Rocket: You are always so technical! I am talking about an epiphany; I actually met "The Awakened One"!

Greg: I think you are still dreaming. What did you take away from that meeting?

Rocket: I Took his peace and his awareness of all things. AND HIS REALLY COOL ACORN HAT! HaHaHa!

Wired!

Greg: Rocky what are you doing up there?

Rocket: I am practising to be a world famous high wire Daredevil!

Greg: Like the guy who just walked across Niagara?

Rocket: Yeah! Except I thought I would start smaller.

Greg: Smaller? Like what?

Rocket: Like a glass of water!

Greg: You are a nut! A regular Evel Kweasel!

Rocket: Don't mock me you'll kneecap my confidence.

Greg: Sure thing, you gonna jump the Grand Canyon?

Rocket: I was thinking about the ditch in front of your house!

Greg: Ahhhh! Baby steps.

Rocket: Yeah Baby steps!

The best laid plans of rodents and men.

Rocket: When the human is away the rodent will play! Now let me see... the Picasso is hanging nice and straight. The Jacuzzi is full and raring to go. The Tassimo Coffee maker is fully stocked. The wet bar is also fully stocked. The La-Z- Boy is positioned. I think I have remodelled this Bird house exactly the way I want it.

Rocket: Maybe I should have started with the door?

Good night sweet Squirrel

Rocket: Look at that line up! The last time I saw a line that long it was for the bathroom after dinner at a Bulimia convention!

Greg: Very funny! That line up is for birds! Not squirrels!

Rocket: We have rights too you know! I am organising a lie-in!

Greg: What on earth is a lie-in?

Rocket: Well my uninformed friend that is where I lie on the rail until I get some justice!

Greg: Lie on the rail until you get some sleep; more likely!

Rocket: Nonsense this is a tried and true protest method.

Greg: Uh-huh.

Rocket: Millions of my predecessors have utilised this very technique: Candi, the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr.,Cesar Chavez, (YAWN!)...

Greg: Yes Rock you are a born leader!

Rocket: ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz...

Greg: Say "Good Night" Gracie.

Cat got your tongue

Rocket: Uh oh; I'm outta here!

Greg: What's up Rock?... Rock?...Rock?

Greg: Cat got your tongue?

Rocket: Not funny!!! Get me dowen from here!

My memory is good but short...

Rocket: What was that sound?

Greg: I don't know it's coming from my camera. Let's see"Memory Card Full".

Rocket: Uh Oh!

Greg: What do you mean?

Rocket: I look terrible in black!

Greg: So?

Rocket: I got a funeral to go to because Lina is so going to kill you!

Greg: Nah! I'll just delete some old photos, she'll never know...

Rocket: What are you deleting?

Greg: Just some old wedding photos! No one ever looks at those.

Rocket: Are you kidding? I carry mine with me.

Greg: You do not! Show me.

Greg: Very cute! She'll never miss 'em.

Lina: Greg what are you up to?

Rocket: I can't look.

Greg: Oh hi honey just deleting some pictures of Rocky here to make room for holiday snaps!

Lina: It's about time too!

Lina leaves; Rocket comes out of hiding

Rocket: Nice Save Cheevers! Whitish! (Rocket makes mocking whiplash sounds) You are whipped.

Greg Better metaphorically than literally!

Rocket: Too true!

A snitch in time...

Greg: Hey look Rock!I think they are Hermit thrushes!

Hermit Thrushes: (In unison) The Squirrel is at the feeder. The Squirrel is at the feeder!

Rocket: You're wrong! I think they're STOOL PIGEONS!!

What's in a name?

 Ever wonder how Rocket got his name?

I rest my case!

Band of Brothers

Greg: Lina, Rock sure is going to be lonesome sleeping all by himself out there on the deck tonight...

Lina: I know what you are hinting at and he's not sleeping in here. He got himself thrown out of the house again for drinking and carousing with his single buddies while his wife is at home with twenty eight kids. He ought to be ashamed...

Greg: Still heesh my liddul buddy and I feel shum bad fer him...

Lina: Is that whiskey I smell on your breath?

Greg: Nah! Jest shum hootch that Rock brewed up from peanuts and yeast!

Lina: (handing Greg a pillow and a blanket) Well misery loves company. Join your rodent friend on the deck!

Greg: (door slamming in his face) Well liddul buddy it looksh like ids me and you... Rocky?... Rocky?... Rock... Great, so much for company!

Shades of Red (Squirrel that is)

Rocket: Holy man. it`s bright out here!

Greg: Yeah, it`s a beautiful day!

Rocket: Beautiful if you like the back of your retinas seared like a strip loin!

Greg: Sorry Rock I am wearing sunglasses. I didn`t really notice.

Rocket: Maybe I should get sunglasses.

Greg: You think they make shades for Squirrels?

Rocket: Sure they do; OAK-leys!


Greg: You set me up again!

Rocket: You are the straight man just keep it up! The shortest distance between two points is the straight line, but the FUNNIEST distance is the PUNCH LINE! HaHaHa!

Rocket has a short fuse...

Rocket: Magpies! I hate 'em!

Greg: Beautiful birds; though Rock.

Rocket: Rats with wings!

Greg: They're a member of the crow family.

Rocket: The black sheep of the crow family!

Greg: Actually they are one of the few crows that isn't black.

Rocket: Rats with wings!

Greg: Why don't you like them?

Rocket: They are always eating my peanuts! Just look at him!

Greg: Easy Rock. What are you going to do about it?

Rocket: (Doing his best imitation of Pierre Trudeau) Just watch me!

RRSP (Rodent Retirement Savings Plan)

Greg: Penny for your thoughts?

Rocket: Penny??? I Guess you haven't heard they stopped making the penny; it's a nickel now, cough it up!

Greg: So what are you thinking about?

Rocket: The future; I wonder what it will be like?

Greg: So what are your plans for the future, when the kids move away and you and the Misses are empty nesters?

Rocket: I don;t know. I will miss the kids all twenty eight of them. I wonder...(sound of a dream sequence fills the deck)

Rocket: Brrrr! Well enough of that noise! What's on TV?

Greg: Desperate House Squirrels.


Rocket: Beats this crap! I'm there!